Depression

Ugh. I've been feeling quite down in the dumps lately. I've been struggling to lose (any) weight and it's getting the best of my emotions. It's really hard for me to cope, especially since summer is coming up and I'm PMSing so I'm holding extra water weight. It's also difficult to see Hillary succeed in losing weight so quickly. She said she loses weight fast, and I feel like every time I see her she looks better and better. I know it's great and I'm really proud of her, but I can't help being jealous and feeling bad about myself. I know she'll read this, and of course I don't want her to feel bad about my feeling bad; I'm trying to be honest about the situation. I get jealous that she's so happy and seems to be so okay with her body whatever the size or shape may be, and I can't feel that way as easily, if at all, even if people give me compliments or whatever. I'm never satisfied... I was getting close to getting satisfied then I freakin' gained 10 lbs over the past couple semesters.

I think about what I eat all the time and I think about losing weight all the time, but I can't seem to get over that hurdle and start losing anything. I worked out a few times last week and I've been trying to walk more places, and I'm trying to eat healthier. I definitely haven't had any peanut butter and jelly sandwiches lately! (That's what I've been eating too much of the past couple weeks.)

It's extremely difficult to cope with the fact that I gained back about 10 lbs. (since August). It's not much, I know, and it happened over a very long period of time, but, for whatever reason, it's really keeping me from doing my best. I try and think about what Shana told me the other day about how trying something doesn't make it happen, only doing it makes it happen, but I still have trouble. I sometimes worry that maybe I'm depressed or I have an eating disorder or something. Maybe it's just bad genes and/or bad metabolism. I think about my weight constantly, but... I still can't succeed in ways that I'd like to, and always find myself returning to unhealthy/destructive practices that I've tried to overcome.

I suppose I'll just have to start going on more and more walks. I was going to the SRSC but lots of times it's either too crowded or takes up too much time. I'd rather do cardio, but walking is better than nothing, really. I know I'll definitely lose some weight this summer, even if I don't lose any this semester...I think that going raw will definitely help me, especially since I tend to eat too many refined carbohydrates.

I'm also worried because I know that thinking negatively and stressing out over stuff doesn't help weight get lost any faster. Hmm...faster...maybe I'll fast for a couple days and see how I feel then. That's somewhat difficult because most weight lost during a short term fast is water weight, so it's easily "gained" back, but I don't know...I wonder how long you have to fast before your body starts burning fat reserves. I don't like saying I'll fast, though, because I feel like I set myself up for disappointment because I am so addicted to food that I just can't stop eating it. I'm definitely a victim of cooked food addiction, and as you can see, it's very detrimental to my physical and emotional life.

I guess I'm off to class. I'll fast for the rest of the day and go for a walk. I hope my sadness is mostly crazy horomones and that I'll be over it in a week or so...but if my PMS is this bad for the rest of my life I don't know what I'll do (my PMS got really bad after I went off the pill last fall- since then it's been awful). This whole situation isn't helped any by the fact that I'm stuffy and sniffly and Grumpy McGee, and dealing with a lot of other personal issues, and freaking homework up the wazoo. Send me good vibes, please. I need them. -Sam

Long time, no write!

Because I love Tonya Harding, I have managed to stay vegan, and feel great!!!!! I have lost 25lbs and I'm still counting because it's melting away.
Shana and I saw Fast Food Nation over spring break (go rent it!), and while I don't support fast food chains, I still found these awesome websites about Vegan fast food options. It would probably be more progressive to not buy from them period, but by not buying animal products from them you are at least making a little difference...?

Check 'em out!!!!!
http://aveganlife.blogspot.com/2006/03/vegan-fast-food-options.html
http://www.peta.org/accidentallyVegan/VeganShoppingQS-Snacks.asp?Category=Snacks
http://www.vegcooking.com/shoppingGuide.asp

Love you always and forever,
Hillary

Danger, danger!

A friendly word of warning from Shana and me: don't stop eating dairy for a few weeks and then inadvertently or willingly ingest any sort of dairy product. We all ate a wee bit of dairy over break (Shana and Hillary were the innocent bystanders; I consciously ate some of my mother's delicious sugar cookes....sigh) and Shana and I got terribly, terribly sick.

So don't eat dairy if you've stopped, or else we'll hit you in the head with a cheese mallet.

If there's another way of showing that people aren't supposed to eat dairy, I don't know what it is.
-Sam

Frustration!

I'm so frustrated! I want to go raw right now. I wish I had the money to do it. I think I'm going to try to get as near to 100% raw as I can starting now...I keep reading Angela Stokes's blog and I get so inspired and I feel so happy and enlightened...then I make something with tofu or rice or cooked vegetables and feel guilty and depressed, even though it's vegan. Worst of all, I feel like a traitor to my little enzymes. I'm going to concentrate on getting greens, keeping my refined sugar intake as low as possible (which is really a difficult thing for me to do but hopefully will be easier if I'm eating a greater percentage of raw foods), and learning even more about raw living. I'm going to focus on forgiving myself and not being too hard on myself if I have a slip here and then-- that doesn't mean I won't try my best! I'm going to develop my relationship with my juicer, too! ;)

By the by, does anyone know the status of tea? Is it raw?

Peace and love,
Sam

Smoothie fetish

I am ready to admit: I have a smoothie fetish. There's nothing that I love more than a delicious, fruity, cool, sweet, tangy, healthy, raw smoothie!

I've been making smoothies left and right. I decided to fast for as long as possible starting tomorrow and realized I had some beautiful ripe fruits sitting on my countertop. How could I let them go to waste??! I was hanging out with Mike and Jenny and, to use up my lovely fruits, decided to treat them to a fantastic midnight smoothie.

We call this smoothie The Vagabond. Here's the recipe!

1 mango
1 pear, no skin
1 orange
1 banana
1 plum (with skin)
1/2 cup apple juice
Honey to taste
Ice (approx. 1 cup)

Blend and enjoy! Mike's optional alteration: 2.5 oz. rum (flavored or regular)

That's a pic of the delightful smoothie right before we drank it all up! And no, it's not in a shot glass-- that's just a cute little cup I thought would look nice for the picture. The smoothie itself is a nice yellow color, and the best part is the small bits of deep maroon plum skin speckled throughout like confetti. Beautiful and delicious! I'm still really excited about it.

Definitely try this one, guys and gals! -Sam

Eggplant and Avocado Salad!

This was a fabulous weekend! I'm still struggling with my carbohydrates but am really excited to have completed a successful vegan weekend at home- something that is hard to do, considering the amount of (delicious) non-vegan food my mom keeps in the house. We all managed to stay vegan and ended up making really nice vegan pizzas. We had one with sauce and veggies and one with BBQ sauce, pineapple, and veggies! They were so good. We also made great smoothies with fruit, mostly bananas, strawberries, and kiwi! Shana also ate some delightful plums, and I tried Pom tea for the first time. Interestingly enough, Hillary told me they're cruel to animals I found this article as well as a couple others that topic.

"And now for something completely different!" Here's the link to that delicious recipe-- the raw Eggplant and Avocado Salad!

Living-Foods.com is a wonderful resource. I think white onion is the best choice for this recipe. We used white as opposed to red onion during our vegan dinner and it was a perfect compliment to the sweet honey and the delicate avocado. Hillary and Shana actually tried it with red onion a couple nights ago and found it to be a little less than perfect.

In other news! I'm going to try fasting a couple days this week, probably with juices, since we recently acquired a deluxe "Jack La Lanne" Power Juicer! Once I find some good resources about juicing and gather up a few good recipes I'll post them, for sure.

We're off to watch the L word and have vegan chocolate peanut butter pie! And perhaps to watch Hillary dance around the living room topless. Love and peace, all! -Sam

listen to the tum-tum

all saturday morning and afternoon i was eating raw and i felt energized and hungry in a good way, it was a good hungry. hillary and i brought vegan bread with good stuff in it, and for the ride to see Sam in Columbus I made peanut butter-honey-banana-sesame seed sandwiches. When i ate it i immediately felt sick, just not good. I almost felt like throwing up, it was wierd, but then again it was a good thing it happened. I knew after that that raw was the best for me, and of course for all! I just feel better eating raw, cooked food not only, though vegan, makes me feel gross, but it makes me feel incredibly guilty. Guilting myself has helped me conquer "bad" food situations. But i cannot wait to go 100% raw, i will become so alive :)
-Shana

Vegan is SO good.

Holy guacamole. I feel amazing. My cold has cleared and I can breathe through my nose! I still have a little congestion, but it's coming out!!! My juice fast ended after 22 hours, and I broke it with the best vegan chocolate cake known to anyone whose bought it from Bloomingfoods!!!! Of course I would break a healthy fast with sweets, but it I'm telling ya.......... holy shit it was amazing.
Last night Shana and I made the raw avocado and eggplant salad that Sam made the evening prior. POST THE RECIPE SAM! Everyone reading this should be making it right now. But I suggest using a yellow or white onion as opposed to the purple because I found the purple we used last night to be a bit bitter. Yet it was, still, very tasty.
We hit the C-store later around midnight and I picked up a couple of vegan Amy's meals for the week coming and a roasted garlic Thai Kitchen Rice Noodle Soup Bowl. Totally gluten-free and vegan and satisfying for my little sick nose. One thing I'm worried about going completely raw is that I like soup. Warm, not cold soup. A lot. Nothing can be heated over 115 degrees. How warm is that anyways? I'm going to have to thermometer that up, taste it, and if its not warm enough then I'm going 85% raw, and 100% vegan.
I think I have found the solution to my health. Overall my body is transforming back to its beautiful youth. My skin is healthier, the cellulite in my legs is evaporating, and so is my waist. It's delightful. I have more energy, my senses are heightened, and I'm happier with less mood swings.
I think I always knew dairy products weren't great for me. I never was a big milk drinker, in fact I was lactose intolerant as a baby. But they shouldn't call you lactose intolerant, because everyone is, it's just that most bodies adapt to it easier. They should call people who drink milk lactose adaptable. Shana can tell you more about milk. I'm not sure what I'm talking about. But I do know my body feels better without it, and my voice feels better too. The mucus is gone, and I can resonate. Oooo, I'm so happy. Things are great!!!
Till next time,
Hilly

Delicious!

Last evening was our raw/vegan dinner party, and it was delicious. Sam forgot her camera so unfortunately we can't display photographs, but we can give you recipes!!!!!!!! Better to see it in front of your face and actually eat it, right?
Before Shana and I fell asleep last night, I decided to go vegan! Something inside of me said, "it's time!" So now you can call me Vegan and very happy.
Also, I have started a juice fast this morning. I have been sick with a bad cold and I'm listening to my body's intuition and it is screaming juice! Fresh juice. Mango juice, orange juice, carrot juice, apple juice, juice, juice, juice! Juice is a beautiful word.
I feel better already. I feel wonderful and alive!
Love,
Hillary

Rewards

Wednesday evening was host to the highly anticipated S303 educational law final exam. I had dreaded the final and found the class insipid and the professor completely obnoxious. Despite the butterflies in my stomach and my desire to run as fast as I could in the opposite direction of the exam room, I took the test, wrote enough to make my hand ache, and turned it in. I happily left the school of education after conferring with some friends about the collective sense of relief at having finished the class. I turned my music up and thought about how I would celebrate the fact that I'd never have to listen to another dull lecture about legal issues in the classroom. Driving home, I remembered Hillary mentioning she'd eaten dinner at Roots, with Shana, for the past couple nights. I recalled her telling me about the vegan chocolate cake she'd eaten there and though to myself, that would be a great reward for finishing that awful class. I was stopped at 10th and the Bypass and about to change my direction from home to Roots when I realized I was rewarding myself with food. Upon reaching this realization I immediately turned my turn-signal off and continued towards my apartment. I had a humble and unextravagant dinner of a PBJ tortilla and applesauce, and thought of other ways to reward myself. I ended up watching a couple episodes of The L Word while curled up on the couch with a comfy blanket. After the show I quickly did my homework and curled up into bed to get some much-needed rest.

Oftentimes we resort to rewarding ourselves with food and sugary desserts without consciously realizing the damanging effects of our actions. Rewards are great and I truly believe we should treat ourselves, but the question is, to what extent? Will we risk consuming too many calories or too much refined sugar for one evening? And how do we determine what caliber of event warrants food-based rewards? Eventually, we end up treating ourselves when we accomplish menial tasks or overcome minor obstacles. This can lead to increased consumption of unwanted and unneeded foods.

The best way to overcome the conditioned belief that food is the best reward is to come up with a list of enjoyable activities not related to food. When you accomplish something you're proud of or something you think deserves to be rewarded, pull out the list and pick a reward. I like watching shows or movies, or giving myself extra reading time to work on a novel instead of class-related readings.

This may not seem like a huge revelation but it certainly helps to put these thoughts into words. I have struggled with rewarding myself with food too often but I plan to concentrate my future efforts on avoiding falling back into that destructive pattern. I'm sure I can do it if I really try; anyone can do it if they try hard enough. It's also important to remember that we can reward ourselves with food once in a while, but the harm comes in doing this repeatedly and frequently. It's wonderful to have supportive friends who can help!

We're having a delicious vegan/raw dinner tonight at Hillary and Shana's place. I'm excited to find a recipe and even more excited to try the foods we come up with! If I remember to bring my camera I'll make some food porn and show you guys what we ended up having. Until then!